Post by Some Random DoF Guy on Jan 29, 2014 17:08:38 GMT -5
Section 1, details on why sieges suck total dick and you should read this goddamn guide
Hello dear children, my name is Bubblegum, and I am here to fuck up your entire preconception of siege battles. (Keep in mind most of this guide applies mainly to rhodoks, swadians, and nords. The rest of the factions will get fucking curbstomped by your high tier troops.)
Assuming you don't get xxX_quickscope_headshotted_own3d_Xxx by the enemy archers (AND THEY WILL HAVE A FUCKING LOT OF THEM SO I HOPE U BROUGHT SOME OINTMENT) and knocked the fuck out harder than rihanna in a slugging match with chris brown, assuming the enemy archers don't utterly rek your top tier troops that you have spent hours upon hours training from recruits, assuming you don't get shit on utterly by being stuck with your weakest troops in the FINAL STAGE OF A FUCKING SIEGE while the enemy is gifted with huscarls/lancers/knights/something that can gang up on you and pack your shit in, and ASSUMING the enemy army doesn't show up right the fuck out of nowhere and make you look like the new guy in prison, sieges can be pretty fun (read: infuriating).
BUT BUBBLEGUM, SIEGES ARE A CORE PART OF THE GAME. WOULDN'T THEY BE BALANCED TO BE FUN FOR THE ATTACKER AS WELL AS THE DEFENDER?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
SO WHAT DO I DO BUBBLEGUM? I'M ON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THESE FUCKING RHODOKS AND THEIR BROKEN ASS CROSSBOWS AND UNKILLABLE SERGEANTS
Short answer: CALM THE FUCK DOWN
Long answer: CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND CONTINUE READING THIS SHITTY GUIDE
Section 2, how to be winrar without being scum like bubblegum
The main key to saying FUCK YOU to enemy defenses is huscarls and rhodok sharpshooters. Now because this game is incredibly well balanced (not really) huscarls take FOR FUCKING EVER to train up and rhodok sharpshooters will eventually get mad at you and leave if you kill too many of their rhodok buttbuddies.
The piss icing on this SHIT cake is the FUCKING fact that your huscarls can bite it in droves if the enemy archers headshot them consistently, and archers in M&B will shoot heads more than even the busiest of male porn stars. But all is not yet lost young Skywalker.
If you're a gigantic fucking nerd and have hours to waste on this game, you can just tell your huscarls to sit back and let your archers soften the place up a bit, although this will achieve next to nothing in the long run since your men will be outnumbered severely and also the enemy gets ammo resupplies every few minutes, and you fucking don't fucking mongoloids holy fucking goddamn the sieges are so FUCKING BAD.
And god fucking help you if you don't make it up the ladder first, cause if you don't have a solid 6 points in shield your ass is gonna get riddled with so many bolts and arrows you'll look like a fucking christmas tree with your blood and organs being the ornaments.
tl;dr - 1. get up the ladder first or you may as well just restart the fucking siege 2. getting onto the walls is literally the hardest part of the siege because the game refuses to give you more than one ladder and it's extremely easy to get chokepointed 3. having a 2 handed axe really helps for smashing through shields and getting off the ladder of death 4. prioritize enemy archers, they will fucking destroy you
Section 3, you can't even imagine how relief this will make you feel
If you're a dirty no good bastard like me then this is the section you should start off with. It's extremely easy and makes the sieges easy as all fuck.
1. Set your battle size to 30 men
2. Put your melee troops most likely to pack the enemies shit in at the top of your party so they spawn with you first
3. Win the siege
That's it. That's literally it. Whether or not your nerd conscience can let you sleep at night for using such an underhanded tactic is something you will need to decide for yourself
I hope you liked this shitty guide but if you did there is something wrong with you because I am fucking retarded and I love to eat shit
Hello dear children, my name is Bubblegum, and I am here to fuck up your entire preconception of siege battles. (Keep in mind most of this guide applies mainly to rhodoks, swadians, and nords. The rest of the factions will get fucking curbstomped by your high tier troops.)
Assuming you don't get xxX_quickscope_headshotted_own3d_Xxx by the enemy archers (AND THEY WILL HAVE A FUCKING LOT OF THEM SO I HOPE U BROUGHT SOME OINTMENT) and knocked the fuck out harder than rihanna in a slugging match with chris brown, assuming the enemy archers don't utterly rek your top tier troops that you have spent hours upon hours training from recruits, assuming you don't get shit on utterly by being stuck with your weakest troops in the FINAL STAGE OF A FUCKING SIEGE while the enemy is gifted with huscarls/lancers/knights/something that can gang up on you and pack your shit in, and ASSUMING the enemy army doesn't show up right the fuck out of nowhere and make you look like the new guy in prison, sieges can be pretty fun (read: infuriating).
BUT BUBBLEGUM, SIEGES ARE A CORE PART OF THE GAME. WOULDN'T THEY BE BALANCED TO BE FUN FOR THE ATTACKER AS WELL AS THE DEFENDER?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
SO WHAT DO I DO BUBBLEGUM? I'M ON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THESE FUCKING RHODOKS AND THEIR BROKEN ASS CROSSBOWS AND UNKILLABLE SERGEANTS
Short answer: CALM THE FUCK DOWN
Long answer: CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND CONTINUE READING THIS SHITTY GUIDE
Section 2, how to be winrar without being scum like bubblegum
The main key to saying FUCK YOU to enemy defenses is huscarls and rhodok sharpshooters. Now because this game is incredibly well balanced (not really) huscarls take FOR FUCKING EVER to train up and rhodok sharpshooters will eventually get mad at you and leave if you kill too many of their rhodok buttbuddies.
The piss icing on this SHIT cake is the FUCKING fact that your huscarls can bite it in droves if the enemy archers headshot them consistently, and archers in M&B will shoot heads more than even the busiest of male porn stars. But all is not yet lost young Skywalker.
If you're a gigantic fucking nerd and have hours to waste on this game, you can just tell your huscarls to sit back and let your archers soften the place up a bit, although this will achieve next to nothing in the long run since your men will be outnumbered severely and also the enemy gets ammo resupplies every few minutes, and you fucking don't fucking mongoloids holy fucking goddamn the sieges are so FUCKING BAD.
And god fucking help you if you don't make it up the ladder first, cause if you don't have a solid 6 points in shield your ass is gonna get riddled with so many bolts and arrows you'll look like a fucking christmas tree with your blood and organs being the ornaments.
tl;dr - 1. get up the ladder first or you may as well just restart the fucking siege 2. getting onto the walls is literally the hardest part of the siege because the game refuses to give you more than one ladder and it's extremely easy to get chokepointed 3. having a 2 handed axe really helps for smashing through shields and getting off the ladder of death 4. prioritize enemy archers, they will fucking destroy you
Section 3, you can't even imagine how relief this will make you feel
If you're a dirty no good bastard like me then this is the section you should start off with. It's extremely easy and makes the sieges easy as all fuck.
1. Set your battle size to 30 men
2. Put your melee troops most likely to pack the enemies shit in at the top of your party so they spawn with you first
3. Win the siege
That's it. That's literally it. Whether or not your nerd conscience can let you sleep at night for using such an underhanded tactic is something you will need to decide for yourself
I hope you liked this shitty guide but if you did there is something wrong with you because I am fucking retarded and I love to eat shit